Twelve days! And this will be your LAST peek at The Widowmaker before release! I do hope you have enjoyed it so far! And I do hope you will stop in again for next months sneak peaks at the final edition of Bodyguard, releasing March 6th!
He sat in his room by the dim light of a candle. His mind still had yet to cease its never-ending spin that had started weeks before. He had not realized until that moment standing there at the altar in front of that couple how much what had happened had affected him. How deep the hurt had gone.
How angry it had made him.
He barely remembered the weeks that had passed by. The days right after were completely dark to him. As if they had never existed at all. Like he had somehow skipped over them.
He knew that he had somehow managed to get through those days as no one seemed overly concerned about him. No one had said anything about him not feeling well or asked after his state of mind. So he could only conclude that he had functioned at least somewhat normally during those dark days.
But why could he not remember anything?
He stood up from his chair and knelt beside his bed to pray. As he prayed, he asked God why he could not remember those days and asked for the means to see what had gone on during them. He prayed for the understanding to get through the feelings that were still rushing through his body and soul.
As he prayed, he thought of how life had been to him since the day his bride had left him at the altar. Even though he had been hurt, he had turned the hurt around and made it into something that he could use to help others. He had given his life to help others now in their quest for knowledge and an understanding of God and His ways.
And he had forgiven the one who had hurt him so. It had taken him a long time to come to that point, and it had taken many hours of praying. There was no doubt in his mind that he held any animosity to the woman. In fact, he was almost glad that she had not gone through with their plan of marriage and left him as he had found his true calling and true happiness in the work that he did serving God.
Try as he might though, he could not understand why all of a sudden things had come rushing back at him as they had and why now he could not remember a thing he had done in the days that had followed.
Once again, he turned his mind back to God and prayed for guidance to see him through this rough patch in his duty.
It has to be a test, he thought not for the first time in the last few days. God must be testing me to see if I have truly forgiven her for what she did to me all those years ago.
But how could God, the almighty being that he was, not see what was in the very core of his being? Why could he not see what was etched upon his very soul?
The questions abound in his head and he gasped at the enormity of what he was questioning.
He began again to pray in earnest, this time trying to focus on the prayers he was saying and to push the dangerous thoughts that were running ramped through his head out of his mind.
“Our Father who art in heaven…”
“Hallowed be thy name…”
“Thy kingdom come, thy will be done…”
“On Earth, as it is in Heaven…”
Try as he might, he could no longer force the thoughts from his head. They tumbled and danced back and forth. Once again his mind raced backwards into the past. In his mind’s eye he could see all the times he had shared with the woman he loved. He felt every touch once again and tasted every blessed kiss they had shared.
It was almost too much for him to bear as along with the good memories came the memories of the day that they were supposed to be married and he was forced to relive every moment of that day too. Try as he might he could not stop the memories from flooding back.
He felt the pain, the shame the anguish and he heard the words all over again as if he was right there at that altar once more.
What was happening to him? Why this? Why now?
He begged God to answer his prayers. He begged for God to answer his questions.
There was no answer at all.
His mind slowly stopped spinning. It ground to a halt in those dark days that he could not remember. And it sat there. He thought that maybe if he tried that he would be able to remember something. But again he was met with a wall of nothingness.
He sighed not knowing what to do. Not knowing what to make of his experiences. But he was glad that at least his mind had stopped its seemingly endless barrage of memories for the time being. He had no doubt that he would go through it again and again just as he had for the last week or so.
There was something there that he did not see or understand and that was the reason that he kept having to face these things over and over and over again.
Once he did, he might be able to put an end to the living nightmare. Until then he would have to keep going on as he had in the past and try and avoid thinking about the past.
Raising his head from his hands, he glanced at the small clock on his bedside table and saw that over two hours had passed since he had knelt down to pray. It hadn’t seemed like that long, but a second glance at the clock said that indeed that was exactly what had happened.
Standing up, he straightened his robes and tried to make himself presentable. He had a meeting in less than an hour with a couple who were to get married in a few weeks and today was the day that they were to sit down and discuss their vows and the different hymns and reading that they wanted in their ceremony.
He heaved another sigh as he went to the door and let himself out, thankful that there was nothing else to think about for the moment.
Walking down the halls of the church to his office, he passed by a few members of the congregation who volunteered their time in order to keep the church clean and neat. They smiled and said their hellos.
He gave them a quick blessing and continued on his way.
Passing the statue of the Virgin Mary, he paused and touched a hand to the statue’s feet. He said a short prayer and then looked up at her face.
He wasn’t sure why he had but when he did he saw that she was crying tears of blood.
He blinked and looked again and the tears that he could have sworn were there a moment ago were gone.
Startled he once again started back on his way down the hall.
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